The ghost arrives late. Three, even four full strokes after midnight and finally he shows up, a sack full of presents his excuse. He sets to handing out gifts immediately, without ceremony, without any introduction or segue, without any go-ahead from The Big Guy.<\/p>\n
Everybody knows you can\u2019t have a Christmas Party without a Christmas Ghost, so of course they all laugh it off and ignore the transgression.<\/p>\n
But I can\u2019t. It\u2019s the worst part of my job, the sacking of ghosts. They have a habit of sticking around and haunting you. But Christmas Ghosts are notoriously bad at hauntings. They\u2019ll pop an ornament off the tree and people blame the cat instead. They tend to think clinking chain sounds are scary, but the truth is: that\u2019s very nineteenth century.<\/p>\n
So I call him over. \u201cRalph,\u201d I say, because it\u2019s my job to know all the Christmas Ghosts by name, \u201cwe need to talk.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ralph doesn\u2019t know how to do anything but smile, so he puts more effort into it and hands me a present box. \u201cMerry Christmas,\u201d he tells me.<\/p>\n
\u201cRalph,\u201d I say, putting a friendly arm around the Christmas Ghost\u2019s shoulders. \u201cYou know the importance of spectacle and symbolism.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI do,\u201d Ralph says. \u201cYou taught me that.\u201d<\/p>\n
He gives me too much credit. \u201cAnd anticipation,\u201d I add. \u201cExpectation. Tradition.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s about the clock, isn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s about the clock.\u201d<\/p>\n
The Christmas Ghost asks, \u201cCan I say two things in my defense?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSure.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFirst, you taught me anticipation, and it never hurts to let a thing like that stretch just a little bit longer, does it, boss?\u201d<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t answer because, although he\u2019s right, in this case he\u2019s also wrong.<\/p>\n
\u201cSecond,\u201d the Christmas Ghost says, \u201cour host\u2019s magnificent grandfather clock is running almost a full four seconds fast.\u201d<\/p>\n
I check my precision-timed watch, then the grandfather clock, then my watch again. He\u2019s right.<\/p>\n
Which, for me, is a relief. \u201cMerry Christmas, Ralph,\u201d I say, and I pull a gift from my pocket and hand it to him. \u201cYou\u2019re the best Christmas Ghost I know.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"