You might not believe in magic beans.\u00c2\u00a0 Doesn\u2019t matter.\u00c2\u00a0 Jack believed in them, and he grew a beanstalk.\u00c2\u00a0 So when I got my hands on a whole dozen of the dry little beans, I figured I\u2019d at least get me a golden goose.<\/p>\n
I planted them carefully in the backyard, separating them by a good two yards each, and made something of a grid.\u00c2\u00a0 I apologized to the oak.\u00c2\u00a0 It\u2019s stood in the middle of my yard for longer than I\u2019ve been alive, and since I didn\u2019t know how crowded the beanstalk would make things, I figured I ought to give a warning.\u00c2\u00a0 I waved to the squirrels, too, who played up and down the side of that oak as though they owned it.\u00c2\u00a0 Which, all things considered, they did.\u00c2\u00a0 They nested up there, in that thing I thought for the longest time was a bird\u2019s nest.<\/p>\n
Speaking of birds, they didn\u2019t make themselves apparent, though I heard some in the distance.\u00c2\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t worried about upsetting their lives so much as I feared they might feast on my freshly planted garden.<\/p>\n
I watered the garden.\u00c2\u00a0 I sat on the back porch and watched it.\u00c2\u00a0 The birds, when I saw them, ignored the magic beans.<\/p>\n
I chatted on the phone with my mother for a while, and then a friend from college, and a girl I liked.\u00c2\u00a0 I drank red wine, but skipped dinner.\u00c2\u00a0 I played Solitaire with an old deck of Aviators.\u00c2\u00a0 I kept drinking, and I kept playing, and eventually the sun went down and the battery in my phone died and I fell asleep.<\/p>\n
I dreamed of climbing through the clouds, which tasted remarkably like vanilla ice cream.\u00c2\u00a0 I kept hearing, \u201cFee fi fo fum!\u201d but never saw the giant.\u00c2\u00a0 Or his wife.\u00c2\u00a0 Or the golden eggs.\u00c2\u00a0 It was only a dream, after all, and couldn\u2019t be expected to fill in the blanks for me.<\/p>\n
I woke with sunlight in my eyes.\u00c2\u00a0 For a moment, I couldn\u2019t see past the rising sun; it, and the red wine, hurt my head.\u00c2\u00a0 My eyes adjusted, though, and in the morning mist, I saw…I saw…well, it wasn\u2019t beanstalks.\u00c2\u00a0 Were they?\u00c2\u00a0 They were narrow but tall.\u00c2\u00a0 Well, they were about as high as my waist, which is a fair amount of growth for a single night, but nothing to touch the skies.\u00c2\u00a0 There were twelve, arranged just as I\u2019d arranged them.\u00c2\u00a0 Rubbing my eyes, and holding up a hand to block the sun, I approached to survey my garden.<\/p>\n
Twelve sticks, in red, green, blue, and yellow.\u00c2\u00a0 With a clockwork sound, they began unwinding their outer petals.\u00c2\u00a0 Out popped twelve little people.\u00c2\u00a0 They were no more than a foot tall, very thin, dressed in the colors their leaves had sprouted.\u00c2\u00a0 They raised their legs high when they walked, and as a group they moved to encircle me.\u00c2\u00a0 They sounded like wind-up toys.\u00c2\u00a0 The one in the middle, straight ahead of me, bowed and said in a high-pitched, nasally voice, \u201cMaster.\u201d\u00c2\u00a0 The others bowed, too.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re not what I was expecting,\u201d I told the little man.<\/p>\n
\u201cOur apologies, Master,\u201d he said.\u00c2\u00a0 \u201cWe rarely are.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo what\u2019s it to be, then?\u201d I asked.\u00c2\u00a0 \u201cGolden geese?\u00c2\u00a0 Giants?\u00c2\u00a0 How does this work?\u201d\u00c2\u00a0 I figured I\u2019d missed a part of the story.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, that,\u201d the little man said.\u00c2\u00a0 \u201cIt was a hen, not a goose, and it\u2019s long since dead.\u00c2\u00a0 And the castle in the sky has decayed into cloud stuff, so there\u2019s no use in even making the attempt.\u00c2\u00a0 It\u2019s a dangerous climb, too, Master, not one I would recommend.\u201d<\/p>\n
I have to admit, I was confused.\u00c2\u00a0 \u201cWhat, then, would you recommend?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe are your servants,\u201d the little man said.\u00c2\u00a0 \u201cCommand us.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut I have no commands,\u201d I said.\u00c2\u00a0 \u201cI only wanted a little gold.\u00c2\u00a0 Something to chase away the economical blues.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe can find you gold,\u201d the little man said.\u00c2\u00a0 And off they went, all of them, in varying directions.\u00c2\u00a0 I rubbed my eyes again.\u00c2\u00a0 I figured I\u2019d awakened into another dream, so I gathered my phone and my wine glass, went inside, and found my bed.<\/p>\n
This time, I slept dreamlessly.\u00c2\u00a0 I was awakened by the metallic clicks and scratches of twelve little people crossing the wood floor.\u00c2\u00a0 They surrounded my bed.\u00c2\u00a0 I yawned, big, and this time came fully awake.<\/p>\n
Their leader hopped onto the foot of my bed, held out his hand, and dropped a piece of gold between my ankles.\u00c2\u00a0 It was gold, yes: a school ring.<\/p>\n
One by one, the other eleven little people–about half were women–deposited their treasures.\u00c2\u00a0 A vial of gold leaf.\u00c2\u00a0 A three inch coil of wire.\u00c2\u00a0 A gold tooth.\u00c2\u00a0 Another ring, this one much smaller, a woman\u2019s engagement ring, complete with diamond.<\/p>\n
\u201cWait,\u201d I said, picking up the ring.\u00c2\u00a0 The diamond looked real.\u00c2\u00a0 So did the tiny drop of blood.\u00c2\u00a0 \u201cDid you steal all this?\u201d\u00c2\u00a0 I looked around at each.\u00c2\u00a0 With one exception, they hung their heads.<\/p>\n
The exception puffed up his stick-like chest and said, \u201cI did not steal anything, Master.\u00c2\u00a0 This was an honestly found object, of which no one can complain.\u201d\u00c2\u00a0 He dropped a penny onto the pile.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s not gold,\u201d one of the others said.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt looks like gold.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt doesn\u2019t even look like gold,\u201d another said, one of the women.\u00c2\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re a fool.\u00c2\u00a0 It\u2019s copper.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot copper,\u201d said another, leaning close and sniffing, then licking the side of it.\u00c2\u00a0 \u201cZinc.\u00c2\u00a0 Definitely.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s a penny,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe acquired the gold you requested,\u201d the leader said.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd this ring?\u201d\u00c2\u00a0 I showed them the diamond.\u00c2\u00a0 \u201cWas it still on her finger?\u201d\u00c2\u00a0 When no one answered, I said, \u201cWas it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, Master,\u201d one of the little people said.<\/p>\n
\u201cBring it back,\u201d I said, throwing it down onto my sheet.\u00c2\u00a0 \u201cReturn it all.\u00c2\u00a0 I didn\u2019t raise you to steal for me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut Master,\u201d the leader said, \u201cdid you not intend to climb into the sky and steal from the giant?\u201d<\/p>\n
At first, I didn\u2019t answer, and none of the little people moved.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe did nothing less than what you required,\u201d he added.\u00c2\u00a0 \u201cAnd via your own intended means.\u00c2\u00a0 Master, I cannot help but believe we\u2019ve done nothing wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d I said.\u00c2\u00a0 \u201cNo, of course not, nothing wrong.\u00c2\u00a0 It was me.\u00c2\u00a0 I didn\u2019t phrase it right.\u00c2\u00a0 I expected magic gold.\u00c2\u00a0 Not stolen.\u00c2\u00a0 Not even found.\u00c2\u00a0 Created.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAh,\u201d said one of the little women.<\/p>\n
\u201cAh?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cAh, indeed,\u201d she said.\u00c2\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019ve a fool for a Master.\u00c2\u00a0 You cannot create gold out of thin air.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou need base metals,\u201d added their little leader.<\/p>\n
I grinned.\u00c2\u00a0 \u201cThat, we can do.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
You might not believe in magic beans.\u00c2\u00a0 Doesn\u2019t matter.\u00c2\u00a0 Jack believed in them, and he grew a beanstalk.\u00c2\u00a0 So when I got my hands on […]<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[12,6,1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.darkfluidity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/625"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.darkfluidity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.darkfluidity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.darkfluidity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.darkfluidity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=625"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.darkfluidity.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/625\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.darkfluidity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=625"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.darkfluidity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=625"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.darkfluidity.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=625"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}